i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
