Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
