I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
