she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
