Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
