Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
