I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
