Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
