It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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