I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
