ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Randomize
