Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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