Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
