you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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