My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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