Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
