between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
