I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
