This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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