Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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