She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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