last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He passed out mid-signature
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
