you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
