I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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