Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
