ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
