Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
