you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
