Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
