Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
