We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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