Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
