Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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