I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
