Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
my shit smells like andre
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My dick has a subreddit
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
