I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
