Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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