I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
