thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
