Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
