so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize