I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
