Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
