i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
