You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I yelled at your uterus for you.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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