I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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