i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
