hotel room ftw
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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