I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
