my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
