I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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