Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm too high and old for this...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
