I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
