I can't breathe out the right side of my face
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
