and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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