well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
