Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
