I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
