eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
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