Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Im part way to drunk.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize