I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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