I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
