So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
