ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize