Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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