Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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