Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I need to stop coming to work sober
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
