P.S. I can't hear my feet
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
