So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize