Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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