dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
