i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
