Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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