He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
