This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
