Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
