see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
