Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
