can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
