we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
