Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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