she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Randomize
