i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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