Well apparently he's into motor boating.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
