I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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