We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
