True but thats because hes a fetus.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
