he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize