so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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