I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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