Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
