Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize