thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize